There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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