my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
