Soap is not a condiment
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
