Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
