I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
