Plan B is the new Plan A
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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