She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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