So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
