no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
