Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
