we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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