I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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