pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
