and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
