Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
another moral hangover. fuck.
just tell him i said nine months
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
