I hate all girls vehemently.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
