my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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