If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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