Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
