wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
