There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This is the high leading the old right now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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