So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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