How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
