Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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