those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
