Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
