Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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