the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
