yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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