Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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