yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
