Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
