nut hugger
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
