no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
