My first STD was from a foam party
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
