I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
