You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
