I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
