dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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