areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
