She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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