WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
