remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
