are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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