I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
