the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
