It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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