At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
