Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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