Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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