Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
