dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
