We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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