I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
