I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
