I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
